It is getting close to 12 years since the accident. And in those 12 years, I haven't written anything on here. In the past I have tried avoid coming to this site because it makes me sad. But for some reason, today is the day I decided to come here and look around. I went through every picture and memory posted and I have to admit, it was hard to make it through everything but overall looking back at the memories made me happy.
One of the most important lessons that I have learned in my life is to be myself. People always say to be yourselg but in reality, the world does everything in it's power to mold you into something other than yourself. Not to say that other people in my life aren't themselves, but you were the truest person I have ever been around. You had your own style, your own energy and you didn't care what people thought about you. People were drawn to you. You were such a likeable person and it was effortless. You always made sure everyone felt wanted and you always made sure everyone was involved. It was so easy to look up to you and I wanted to be just like you. You were always good with the ladies lol and you were so kind to people. If any of us younger kids were down in the dumps, you would always do something to cheer us up and looking back at it now, the fact that those actions were from the oldest cousin we usually hung around, that made it even more of a great example. I hate to see people sad, it isn't worth it, so I always try to make people smile and laugh. You made it seem so cool and normal to just be a good person. There are two things about you that will influence me forever. First, you never lost your inner child. You were always just a big kid at heart and made everything fun. Secondly, you genuinely cared about others in a way I have seen very few times since you passed.
I always think how crazy it is that you left us at 18 years old. I am almost 27 and I still don't feel like I'm half the man you were but I strive to be as kind and caring as you were. It just blows my mind how much of an impact you had on people at such a young age. Call me weird but I remember back in the AIM days and you and my Mom were chatting online and at the end of the conversation, you said, "Bye Aunt Shay Shay". I remember how happy that made her feel, especially during a time when you were a teenager and normally at that age, teenagers are weirded out by adults lol. But that always stuck with me because you proved something so simple can make someone's day that much brighter. You had a gift and I want to thank you for sharing it with all of us. It has made a tremendous impact on me.
Now, just an update on what's going on in my life. I know there is a 12 year span I could cover but I'll just give you recent news . I am engaged to a beautiful girl inside and out, her name is Cassandra. We've been together for over 5 years and are getting married in June of next year. She is an art teacher and is amazing around kids, it's her calling! She always tells me to get my tattoo touched up that I have in your memory on my arm haha it's the artist in her. But it has lost most of its baby blue color. I always tell her about you and how great of a person you were. When she sees pictures, she can tell that you were awesome, always around the kids making everyone laugh. She would have loved you, I have no doubt about that. I've heard your Mom say that sometimes my expressions remind her of you. I hope that makes her happy. It makes me happy and I hope Cass can see those expressions even though she doesn't realize it. As long as it is some form of you.
Some random things...I was at Target last week and saw some JOOP! Cologne. I remember you used to keep a bottle in your car and I laughed at the name but you said it was the best..and you were right, it smelled amazing. Speaking of your car, for whatever reason, I thought it was such a cool car lol. When I bought my first car, it was a Grand Prix 2 door...close enough to your Grand Am right? I made sure I had it tricked out with speakers so I could just drive around and listen to music like you, Zach and I used to. Riding around with you two all the time and just hanging out were some of the best moments of my life. I was listening to Crunk Juice last week and it reminded me of you. We would always listen to Da Blow, and that is the song that reminds me of you most from that album. Speaking of Zach, he is getting married soon too to Nina, shes a really nice girl and I'm super happy for them! I saw a Randy Moss figurine last weekend and it reminded me of how big of a Randy Moss fan you were. I think you wore his purple #84 jersey for 2 years straight without washing it haha. One of my customers from work actually has one and he is sending it to me next week and I'll put it in my office. I saw posts this past week on social media about Wrestle Mania...and Undertaker is STILL doing his thing! The Indians have started out strong. They went to the World Series last year but lost in 7 games just like back in 97 but they should make a push for it this year. They lost to the Cubs, they finally won after 108 years! I remember watching the Red Sox win their first World Series since 1918 up in your room at your Mom's place. The Cavaliers won the NBA title last year, something I never thought I'd witness. Sorry to ramble but it is weird how so many things in the past few weeks have reminded me of you.
Oh, and don't think for one second that I have forgotten about the time you put salt in my Cinnamon Life cereal!
I love you and miss you, Justin. Thank you for touching my life in such a positive way and helping shape me into the person I am today.
Love,
Your Cousin Josh